Presented in Aqua Scope

Just longing for a little bit of my childhood memories.... I am such a nerd.

"I'm just british.. and well.... you're not"

I would like to see how well this fares.. Hmmm like its wine and due to the actors in it: Bold, Brave and beyond...Anyone, wanna find a cinema and stomach an afternoon-ish with moi?

"Wine is sunlight held together by water"-Galileo

Mr.Potter... I mean Mr. Todd, our newest celebrity!!

and what better way to glance upon this collector addition of cardcollecting.. is well ,we all like the style of pretty women.. or maybe just Alan... oh and I "suppose" Johnny as well.. I guess ;-) singing about them.

Crispin Glover

Okay I mentioned before about Batman, and there needing a role for Mad Hatter... yeah well i have come across some theories on who the next Riddle should be... Jim Carry was spot on... but again so was Jack Nicholson as the Joker, gots to pave the way for the new...Ledger= fucking brilliant.

Anywho, back to the Riddler, can anyone say CRISPIN GLOVER. This guy is a fucking cult genius. I tip my top hat to you. Riddler he must be.. and thus gets my vote.

Inside the Fire Soundtrack

Well my fan fiction is coming along at a steady pace now. Fuck you all who say this is lame. If the creator had thought all this stuff through, I wouldn't need to add these delicious details (Thanks for getting the ball rolling)
Anywho, I think the one reason this all is fitting so nicely is due to great music, and I think to get a better grasp of where the characters are coming from (aka sharing their feelings) I am putting up some tunes, oh that fit them .. well better than potato sacks.. but if they were, oh can they work them girl.

First one is Remus to Lana :

This one is Lana/Severus baring their souls:

I hope you see where this is all going without giving away too much.

Mommy, look what I can do!!

The state of boredom has officially kicked in and,

thus this has risen from the ashes to take its place.

I shall eventually learn how to make some snazzy desktops.

However, this is what I must settle with (which isn't necessarly a terrible thing).

It is kind of relaxing thing at the moment.

A rainy tuesday evening, sipping on some earl grey,

listening to: Within Temptation

hmmm gives me an idea for another video, Damn you Alan!! ;-) or if anything this song fits perfectly with my story, "Inside the Fire" ---> damn you , Snape!

...staring at various grey scale pictures.

All around peaceful day, I think.

Care to join me?

The Song of the Phoenix

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I obtained enlightenment yesterday, but I think I want my money back. Sometimes there is bliss to be sought in ignorance. This world is such a confusing place, I am on the straight road to utter madness... and not of a joker variety. I mean totally gone batman!! Its almost puts (or has put me in tears) to see people lying, cheating, killing, etc all because they felt like it'. I feel this way and this is without being a believer of the angry jesus variety neither. Well I would like shoot everyone IN THE FACE who does not think/care about the choices they make and how it effects the greater whole. I realize that humans are imperfect, however on a daily basis, you are telling me that all the shit in this world that occurs is not because people are just too fucking lazy to take the road of a more moral path, and yes there are 14 shades of grey, but really people, fuck you see someone starving, FEED THEM, you see some crying, you see if they are alright... humbleness is a powerful thing, I think we should all drink a hefty glass of it!!. Okay, I feel like.... awwhh just listen to a good song, staring at an awesome actor.

Welcome to the Game:

For those who have never played Comic book Word Scrabble... you are truly missing out!!!
Please, come on an adventure avec moi in one of my favorite movies 'Snow Cake', where the great Alan and Sigourney will indulge you in the rules of the game.

Mmmm two great functioning constants in life: Alan Rickman and tea.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This has been and will be, I am sure, a pleasant week. The house is free of stress and perpetual state of 'blahness', for the parental units have gone on a 'walk about' for a weekish and thus leaving me to play house... ohhhh boy. Which is a nice change of pace because it is the last week of freedom <---insert scottish accent here until I enter the salt mine for another semester on the good ship lollipop.

Did I not get the intra-office memo or am I the brunt of a Dane Cook joke, of being the friend no one likes?! Where did everyone go? Maybe being Greg House is in store.. or maybe I am the one with Aspergers--> It would explain the lack of peers and peer interaction... God, damn where is my cane, it is time.

I bid you all adieu, if you need me I will be in my dungeon, leave a message with my 'lightning rod of hate'.

My Waffle Iron of Justice

Oh yes, we all remember the humble beginnings of Mystery Men, but I bet you didn't
remember this:

Forever a proud supporter of the Su-Fi. Official Member of the Dane Train.

Avada Kedavra

The faintest growl escaped his lips, for a moment betraying his pressence.

No matter how fast or far I run, I will never escape that velvety utterance.

Please release me from my minds bondage,

I cannot fathom this eternity of sufferage.

One touch, one taste.... It's all I ask....

curse this occlumency!

I cannot take it.....

Avada Kedavra!!

-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

I escaped my final momentBut it’s turning back at meOn every corner I can feel it waitingJust a moment, no awarenessI could easily slip awayAnd then I’ll be gone foreverI’m searching,I’m fighting for a way to get throughTo turn it awayIt’s waiting, always tryingI feel the hands of fate, they’re suffocatingTell me what’s the reasonIs it all inside my headCan’t take it no more!All around me I see dangerAnd it’s closing in on meEvery second I can hear it, breathingI can’t stand the fear inside meCause it’s leading me astrayAnd it will be my endingI’m searchingI’m fighting for a way to get throughTo turn it awayIt’s waiting, always tryingI feel the hands of fate, they’re suffocatingTell me what’s the reasonIs it all inside my headCan’t take it no more!But no one faced what's coming my way. And I will let my fear fade awayWhatever may be, I'll have to find out.It’s waiting, always tryingI feel the hands of fate, they’re suffocatingTell me what’s the reasonIs it all inside my headCan’t take it no more!

The Phantom Nerd

I have cursed myself on the black rose of this impetuous infatuation.
Again, to be made a knave among fools.
Always I have been betrayed by the stars,
Forever playing my role as fate's master puppet.
I yearn to scream these tears of fury and flame.
Alas, I ponder within my soul's abode.
Forced to have this love unrequited,
Punished to the depths in eternity's passage of time.
-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

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I bow before you , a humble obsessed nerd of a imaginary beings. Does everything have to remind me of Severus? Is what I seek most , the dark hero? Of course what perfect way to describe the war that rages within me: The Phantom of the Opera. Please with a quill in hand and an open heart, you decide which is better (hmmmm Nightwish or Gerard Butler... tick tock, the clock is moving rapidly), either way, standing ovation for Webber! Okay, no more swooning like the innocent school girl that I am not.

OR

*sigh* I bid you all a nightly farwell. The dreams of this dragon tonight bode to be one of a sweet nature--> Severus, Gerard Butler and exquisite music of rage, passion and all the lovely creatures of the night.

The Islander

An old man by a seashoreAt the end of dayGazes the horizonWith seawinds in his faceTempest-tossed islandSeasons all the sameAnchorage unpaintedAnd a ship without a name Sea without a shore for the banished one unheardHe lightens the beacon, light at the end of worldShowing the way lighting hope in their heartsThe ones on their travels homeward from afar This is for long-forgottenLight at the end of the worldHorizon cryingThe tears he left behind long ago The albatross is flyingMaking him daydreamThe time before he becameOne of the world`s unseenPrincess in the towerChildren in the fieldsLife gave him it all:An island of the universe Now his love`s a memoryA ghost in the fogHe sets the sails one last timeSaying farewell to the worldAnchor to the waterSeabed far belowGrass still in his feetAnd a smile beneath his brow This is for long-forgottenLight at the end of the worldHorizon cryingThe tears he left behind so long ago-Nightwish-----------------------------------------------------------------

The Oneiric

I know that you cannot say the words, as you turn to walk away.

We shall fight the alarm clock screaming monsters for eternity.

Under the gleam of silver moonlight, the last tear is shed.

Like crimson blood, it's glow stains the night.

How can you be nothing more than my minds shadow?

Lost in these corridors of longing and pain,

I search to find you, encompassed in the cold mist of denial.

Oh, great, give us one night of reality.

So, that we may plunge into folly and passion that has been negated.

Darkness, fumes, 'a stopper in death',

I must settle for the surreal and only hear your whispers on the wind.

Calling you back, so you may warm my thoughts.

-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

The Plucker

I have had Brom's book, 'The Plucker' for almost 4 years now, and I never tire of it. If ever you are to read.. well more importantly stare at 'pretty' pictures, this would be it!!

http://www.bromart.com/

Brom-"Here's the synopsis: Jack and his Box are stuck beneath the bed with the dust, spiders, and other castaway toys. Forced to face a bitter truth--children grow up and toys are left behind--Jack believes this is the worst that can happen to a toy. But when the Plucker, a malevolent spirit, is set loose upon the world of make-believe and Jack is thrust into the unlikely role of defending Thomas, the very child that abandoned him, he finds out there is worse that can befall a toy - far worse. Jack, and a beleaguered last handful of toys, must struggle to rise above their simple roles as playthings in an effort to save the boy they love."

For those of us who feed upon the screams of the night, his art work is music to the soul. Forever we shall feast upon the blood and stuffing of innocent toys.

p.s I shall now be hunting for 'The Devil's Rose'

Who shall I say is calling?

His darkness calls out to me and yet his light is what shines through.

Is this what madness feels like?

Brought forth by that which we cannot have?

Screaming, urging, the blinding night takes hold.

I seek to find the comfort in his bellowing cape.

What would I give to be reflected in those eyes, to be the object of his mind.

All that echos is temptation.

I look for that hesitation, that shadow of a smile.

Begging, pleading I seek the release I have been denied.

Nothing more than an illusion of the spectrum.

The icy tears of regret and shame stain the ground.

I pray , I fall into the abyss and remember those eyes of passion and pain.

I will be cursed to never forget, my Snape.
-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

A song for Snape:


We used to swim the same moonlight waters

Oceans away from the wakeful day-

~My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

If you be the one to cut me

I`ll bleed forever~(x2)

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world

Brings me to thee

Into the blue memory-

~My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

If you be the one to cut me

I will bleed forever~(x2)

Into the blue memory

A siren from the deep came to me

Sang my name my longing

Still I write my songs about that dream of mine

Worth everything I may ever be

The Child will be born again

That siren carried him to me

First of them true loves

Singing on the shoulders of an angel

Without care for love n` loss

~Bring me home or leave me be

My love in the dark heart of the night

I have lost the path before me

The one behind will lead me~(x2)

Take me

Cure me

Kill me

Bring me home

Every way

Every day

Just another loop in the hangman`s noose

Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home

Every way, every day I keep on watching us sleep

Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve

Of you and me

Forgive the adoring beast

Redeem me into childhood

Show me myself without the shell

Like the advent of May

I`ll be there when you say

Time to never hold our love

~My fall will be for you

My love will be in you

You were the one to cut me

So I`ll bleed forever ~(x10 fades out)
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Letter #2

These are fictional letters people. I do not make money, obviously, and unless you have lived under a rock, all rights belong to J.K and partners.
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Mordrid returned empty handed and thus I am presuming you have been terribly busy with life and all that it entails. Remus would tell you to sit back with a steaming cup of hot cocoa and forget it all. I think I am for the fire whiskey myself, but Remus seems to find comfort in the more innocent fractions.

Therefore, since I last wrote, indeed Dumbledore called a staff meeting, and it was needless to say, interesting. The other professors are a very eccentric bunch, but then being from the muggle world (which I have not told them, but I am sure they will figure it out eventually), I would expect nothing less.

Because I gave you my schedule last letter, I finally had the chance to meet those I would be working with for the upcoming year.

Prof. Bathsheba Babbling teaches Ancient Runes, and yes, her name describes her perfectly. She seems like she would be a riot at parties, but I think I must be careful what I say around her as well.

A very stoic woman, Prof. Minerva McGonagall, teaches Transfiguration. She gives the impression of a very maternal grandmother. She is also head of the Gryffindor House... very stoic indeed.

Oh, what a delightful man the Charms professor can be. Prof. Filius Flitwick, do not let his size fool you. He is a wizard duelling champion. Reminds me of “the old back in ‘Nam” story kind of person. He is also head of Ravenclaw House, and although I made the decision of not belonging to any particular house, I think he is trying to convince me to pick otherwise.

Professor Pomona Sprout teaches herbology, and is head of Hufflepuff. True to the Hufflepuff spirit, seems like a very loving, stay-true-to-you, individual. I think by my assisting in her class will also help with potions as well.

Obviously, I told you about Remus, and I will be assisting him in his DADA class. I am wondering about his extra-curricular life though. He missed our meeting last week and his excuse was that he must be hanging out with me too much and that it was his time of month. He is such a kidder.

I leave the last class only because I think it will take some time to explain this man without screaming my head off. The Potions professor... one, Severus Snape. He is head of Slytherin House. I can tell him and I will have many arguments to come. It almost felt like he was attempting to burrow into my mind, I took great offense to this (seeing, as I did not give him permission to do so) for some reason he was angered by my offense, and stormed off. Remus told me not to take most of what Severus does personally, but pities me for it is going to be difficult. Oh goody. Me thinks I will attempt a good will offering tomorrow and see if I can start fresh with him. Something tells me, it is going to be a long year.

Next week I begin training with the professors to which I will be assisting, which also gives them a chance to relax as well for school is just around the corner. I hope I will be as much help as Dumbledore thinks I can be.

Speaking of Dumbledore, maybe through your letter you can send some delicious lemon drops (the man loves his sweets, and warm socks (don’t ask, I know I didn’t)

Cheers,

Sappheire
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To make this easier, I am now posting all letters in "letters from hogwarts" blog (labelled on the right under: Legilimency and Occlumency

What can I do?

* For those who french is a little rusty.... "to sign (signing) petitions against capital punishment can save lives *
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Don't just sit there and ignore that around you. FEEL, ACT, DO!!

There is more to life then becoming apathetic to the screams around you. FEEL, ACT, DO!!

I beg, I plead for those without a voice. FEEL, ACT, DO!!

I will be that candle in the darkness of no light. FEEL, ACT, DO!!

Join me in the warmth of compassion and fight. FEEL, ACT, DO!!

-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

Alan Rickman RecitesThe Long War for Peace Day

The Long Warby Laurie Lee
Less passionate the long war throwsits burning thorn about all men,caught in one grief, we share one wound,and cry one dialect of pain.
We have forgot who fired the houseWhose easy mischief spilled first bloodUnder one raging roof we lieThe fault no longer understoodBut as our twisted arms embrace the desert where our cities stoodDeath’s family likeness in each face must show at last our brotherhood.

Closet Land (The Movie)

I suppose it is the fact that I have been so hot lately, i'll just post this movie. All I simply ask is: WATCH IT !! I think it describes all that is messed up in this world and the small lights that sometimes shine through... plus it has Alan Rickman, and where would this world be without being graced by his wonderful acting. He is one classy (rick)MAN!!!
Eloquently put, this movie is utter utter brilliance hands down.

Part 1:




Part 2:



Part 3:




Part 4:



Part 5:



Part 6:



Part 7:



Part 8:



Part 9:

What does it mean to be humane?

"An eye for an eye will just end up making the whole world blind" -Mahatma K. Gandhi

I wonder as one sits here reading what I am sure they believe are nothing more than my mundane words can feel this is an okay occurrence on this planet. We are apparently an evolved species, something more than animals. But we are nothing more... Can we not rise above all of this?

I cannot believe there are so many people out there who believe this is an acceptable why to deal with 'crimes' , The way I see it, the death penalty is no more humane than is rape, murder, etc. See how atrocious that sounds?!

'Yes, well he/she deserved it for the crimes they committed', tell me then if you or a loved one was sentenced to death (innocent or not) would you believe that capital punishment is/was the right solution?

The Death penalty may be curing a symptom , but not the disease!!

Speak out and actually stand up for what you believe, apathy is a dangerous thing!!

Alanis' Humps

and this is why we love Alanis... oh Alanis... I am not worthy!!

An Evening of Bliss....

The man of black, with his heart of stone.

A life of regret, destined to be alone.

With his skin of alabaster and hair of coal.

His searing eyes , protrude deep within my soul.

I turn to liquid, his gaze felt deep within me.

Mmmmm the feeling, I remember so clearly.

Much to my regret, from him there is no touching.

I MUST find my satisfaction with this evasive mind fucking.

Oh! the ecstasy in my head.

I can almost feel his warmth in my bed.

Sadly, he is nothing more than my imagination.

Alas! I must settle for this current situation.

The climax comes, and I scream, SEVERUS SNAPE!!

Once I gain composure, hoping he decided to wait.

But to my devastation, he disappeared into the corridors of my mind.

However he will be back, for my next quick fix, .... Adieu, until next time.

-Disturbed Blue Dragon 2008

TICK TOCK CLOCK

Here I sit, bored out of my fucking mind. I have studied all I can for this political science exam (which having dave's notes, much isn't needed) and I still have 3 hours until he lets me write it. TICK TOCK CLOCK blah!!

I am such a nerd, I want this blasted lame summer to be over, I am actually looking forward to taken my classes in the fall. These are the kind of classes that boost ones G.P.A... Anthro, Phil and certainly not least another Poli-Sci with Dave, ooohhh boy. But again TICK TOCK CLOCK I am waiting to find out if I am in Psych (waiting for 'Coach' that is to put in the final marks , so I can be registered in the 102 class)

Waiting, waiting, always waiting...

I am thinking (a shock , I know) ... no I know I AM NOT STUPID, and yet I get the feeling, that there are those around me who make themselves feel better by pointing out my mistakes. I would like to believe that if one IS TRULY INTELLIGENT would know that they are not great at everything and would see that EVERYONE has strengths and weaknesses... from that : here let me go first....

Social Sciences like Anth and Poli-Sci are something I truly enjoy and not so much with the Maths and other sciences... I am okay with this, and yet you don't see me pointing out and bragging... ITS CALLED BEING HUMBLE, its a great quality to have. Next, I find it odd if one claims to be a great writer and never shows their work or has other people basically write it for them, and in the end never showing their 'great' grade.... Hmmmm I don't think that makes a great writer. I can at least admit, my grammar is not the greatest and yet ( I can show these) the lowest I received on any term paper is a B+, Hmmm and yet you are better , I see. I am not seeking to belittle, I just want you to understand and not be so apathetic when you hurt those around you. If you still think I am a bitch from writing this, so be it, then I am a bitch, however a bitch who spoke her mind without the intent to hurt those in the process. (*sigh* yes I can see how that is 'bad' thing.)

Maybe we will see this played out more next semester when anth comes around and the competition is there, I am sure ( as we learned in psych), when one does bad, on come the excuses.... ( *insert why one did so bad here*) TICK TOCK CLOCK

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"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
When life shits on you, make shit flavoured lemonade
and watch someone else drink it.
While trying not puke your face off."

-Dane Cook

I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner....

You took my heart, you took my soul... and for the longest time, all I thought, it was you who was eating my p..... pride.

I bet you say that to all the boys....

"On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"

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"Eyes as brown as mahogany

Hair as black as ebony

Robes that sway along with the wind

Cool and calm, cold as ice

That's my Snape, I love him so."

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Today, I am feeling eloquently charged and so all I can say is....2 down and one to go, and then ... perhaps some sweet silence amongst the chaos.

The Seven Deadly Sins

Owl Post... Don't worry its not a howler

Seeing as your probably the only person who reads this, I have come to just write a letter to you, I want you to know its a fictional letter and thus could make life more interesting, whadda ya say?

Rules of play:

-Characters can be either original or any fictional character.. and who knows maybe one day this will all be an epic novel.
-Must write at least twice a week to keep story line going (in our own blogs)
-If there is anything else you can think of, just add it...

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I must say the most surprising thing happened last week. Dumbledore invited me to assist at Hogwarts , he believes that its not the students but the professors who need some help (imagine that). I am sure that I will not fit in like everything else in life but I am told Hogwarts has an excellent library, so I shall lock myself in there if life manages to happen.

Classes start in two weeks and in that time Dumbledore has requested I befriend as many of the professors as possible, seeing as I decided to not be sorted into any particular house ( I dislike having labels) , I think the sorting hat was very pleased with my decision as was the Headmaster, Dumbledore believes however that my choice may cause some animosity among students and staff a like, so I should try to make the friends I can before word gets out that I do not belong to any particular house.

I managed to make one friend ( I think ) so far. Remis Lupin, he is the Defense against the Dark Arts (DADA) professor.He is shy and reserved and maybe that is why most nights we just sit in front of the fire drinking hot cocoa. I know there is something more to Lupin, but I am not trying to push him, seeing as I would hate if someone did that to me.

I have yet to introduce myself to any of the others, I have been spending most of my time preparing to be a TA ( Here is how my schedule for the fall looks):

Mondays and Thursdays:Transfiguration(mornings)and Ancient Runes (afternoons)

Wednesdays and Fridays: DADA(mornings) and Potions (afternoons)

Tuesdays: Charms (morning) and Herbology (afternoon)

It looks like during these times I will assist the professors with preparing the classes each day and tutoring those who need a little extra help on the side. Maybe that is why I have been spending so much time in the library, I want to make sure I know this stuff inside and out.

Anyway I will let you know in a few days how things have been holding up. Dumbledore has asked for a staff meeting tomorrow, so that I may meet the rest of the professors here.

How are you doing? What have you been up to?

All the best,

Sappheire

P.S Or I guess that is Prof. Greenwood now :-)

P.S.S Please return your reply via my owl, Mordrid.

WHY SO SERIOUS?

I actually joined the land of people who do something relatively new, and went with Ruby to see 'The Dark Knight'. All that needs to be said about that film: FUCKING BRILLIANT"

It almost saddens me to say this but I think Heath actually topped Jack's portrayal as the 'oh-so-lovable' Joker.... again did I say.. FUCKING BRILLIANT....

Okay well I do have some issues with the movie:

1. More Scarecrow needed

2. Batman, listen buddy, I couldn't hear a word you were saying... MUMMBLER!!! *ARGGHH*

3. The bouncing the motorcycle off the side of a building.. LAME!!

4. Is someone gonna get MAD HATTER a part already.... I actually have ideas on who should play him: either Martin Short, or Andy.... the guy who played Gollum (yes, you heard it here first)

After seeing it... well I think I see my inner Harley Quinn coming out. *fuck* MY KIND OF MAN!!

Psst he isn't a clown, I HATE ... I HATE FUCKING CLOWNS!!

Inside the Fire

Okay I just was blessed with two things today: 1. a Nap!! and 2. a dream that has now engulfed my mind for a new story idea.

*(and yes everyone knows that HP and said Characters are owned by J.K Rowling and I am in NO way making money from this , so NO of the suing thing, please. All I ask is for input and critical criticisms

(The Pitch).... Inside the Fire:

Characters:
-Severus Snape
-Remus Lupin
-Original Character (Lana Firefox)
- Small cameo's by various prof's and students of Hogwarts

Lana returns as a full fledged Auror after 8 years being away from Hogwarts. During her time away she had always been best friends with Remus and with Remus being the DADA (defense against the dark arts) professor he convinces her (with the help of Dumbledore) to come back to the elusive school to assist Lupin with his students.

Snape tries as he might to push Lana away because she looks exactly like Lily (Harry's Mother)did. However, at the same time he wants to live what he wanted to have with Lily through Lana. Will she be willing to play the part of someone who is dead?!

Remus hates the fact that HIS friend is warming up to Snape and this is where 'the wolf' in Remus comes out and we see the dark side emerge.

More than your standard love triangle, in the end it leaves: someone insane, someone murdered and someone who commits suicide.

Ooooooohhhh!! (all from a dream, I know)

I want you, I need you...but alas....

The moonlight dances around us,

surrounding us in eternal bliss.

I sense our passion and purpose,

in this embracing, lasting kiss.

Then I wake from my dreaming hibernation,

but when I reach out to you,

you are nothing more then a reflection,

tormenting my mind as you always do.

Never will we be together,

forever I will know this pain.

Your love and compassion is something I must sever.

and pushing you away will be my eternal shame.

~Disturbed Blue Dragon-2008

A Black Rose for you...'check the yes or no box'

I would like to think that life is more than 'relationshits', I don't think I will ever be ready. Does anyone realize the pain goes so deep I have not even attempted to date someone since?! It has been almost four years... how can one man determine how I judge them all ?... God, I hate you.

Don't get me wrong there have been those I want (real bad) but I always push them away or just don't even bother trying. ...Okay, now I fucking despise you with an unholy passion.

Okay 'S' , where does this put you? Something tells me, you don't even know what you want, am I right? and because of this I will not pursue.. which is sad because I think you and I have great potential and to tell you the truth, I am sick of being the one who always makes the first move, but it goes deeper than that. I have a lot of skeletons and I do not think it is even worth it anymore. Everyone knows the only thing that keeps me here is 'Phi'.

Maybe this is why I cannot resist an older (academic) man, they have already achieved the big goals and know what they want out of life. I find that sexy.
I do not want this to sound like one big rant, I am just feeling so alone, I am one of those fucked up weirdos who hates (for the most part) sex and would just rather cuddle, telling people that tends to scare them away ( if they haven't already , when I tell them I am a single mom).

Please all I can do to explain it all, is not in my horrific words, but that of 'Disturbed'-'Haunted'

http://www.imeem.com/people/XzP9lb9/music/gc4rjjy2/disturbed_haunted/

You're broken, so am I

I'm better off alone

No one to turn to and nothing to call my own

Outspoken, so am I

Explosive words that your world wouldn't understand

Turn away again

You're beaten, so am I

I've got a heart of stone

No medication

Never will I be welcomed what has taken hold

You're hurting, so will I

When I awake and remember why I've been running from your

World

Dishonored by your world

Your world

I'm haunted by your world

My blood is cold as ice

Or so I have been told

Show no emotion, and it can destroy your soul

Another sacrifice

To a tormentor your world wouldn't understand

Turn away again

You're angered, so am I

A thousand fires burn

A land of darkness from which I cannot return

You're aching, so will I

When I awake and discover that I have been damaged by yourWorld

Dishonored by your world

Your world

I'm haunted by your world

(Never will I be welcomed

Amongst the heartless monsters you surround yourself with

Feeding off the pain and misfortune of others

A maniacal unit of sub-human parasites

Warped into a feeding frenzy with the smell of fresh blood

Open your eyes and see the creatures for what they are

A swirling mess of hatred and envy

Don't be naive enough to think you're unaffected

The conversion has already begun...)

You're frightened, so am I

A world of demons wait

Watching the movements and filling my heart with hate

You're burning, so will I

When I awake and discover how I have been ravaged by yourWorld

Dishonored by your world

Your worldI'm haunted by your world.